La La Land (2016) [I messed up]

Disclaimer: I began this post as soon as I heard that La La Land had won Best Picture. I had already planned for this in case it did win; and when I heard the initial result, I turned it off and turned on the movie. It wasn’t until about a quarter of the way through the movie and my write up that I was informed that the announcement was a mix up. But instead of trash the entire post, I thought it would be entertaining to see the whole train-wreck. Everything you see in bold, until a certain point, will be what I included after the fact. Enjoy my blunder.

It is late and I turned off the Oscars when I saw La La Land win Best Picture…I decided to rewatch it just so it would be fresh in my mind before I reviewed it. I didn’t take into account my brain would be mush by the time the Oscars AND the movie was over. Nor did I take into account that the presenters of the award were on the older side and could’ve botched the announcement of who won the award…

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It wasn’t until about 25 minutes into the movie that I received the news that Moonlight had actually won Best Picture, and not La La Land as originally announced…

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I congratulate Moonlight and everyone involved and I am sure it is a great film.

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I didn’t see it…but neither did most of these people so who the hell cares?

So I will continue this post as I originally had started before the Oscars and I realized my error.

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I really don’t know why I’m reviewing this movie, since most of the modern world has seen it. Shit, I bet even remote tribes in the Amazon rainforest have even heard of it…

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But even they know it didn’t win Best Picture, dumbass…

Yes, it’s no surprise this movie won Best Picture, it’s basic Tinseltown unrated…(Great example of alternative facts affecting reporting…)

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Yes. It didn’t win. I’m a cynical asshat, moving on.

But honestly, I am a sucker for musicals…

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It’s only as flamboyant as you want it to be…

And not just animated musicals, the whole shebang.

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If only all street violence was solved by choreographed dance…I still wouldn’t stand a chance…

So when I first saw the trailer for this film and learned a little background on it, I knew I would be instantly fixed.

I was already a big fan of Ryan Gosling from Crazy, Stupid, Love and Drive.

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Yeah, I kinda figured that from the title, Ryan…
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What I didn’t figure was that you’d stomp someone’s head in…

And Emma Stone has made me laugh since Superbad,

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Ah yes, an Academy award winning actress and an Academy award nominated actor…classic thespians.

She has also taken spot as my number two dream girl…(no sexism meant by this, I’m a sucker for blue eyes…)

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No one gives a shit.

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Ah, we’ve reached the point in my write up where I have discovered that La La Land did not actually win Best Picture…

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This is the face I make internally 24/7…

God dammit, Past Mac. This is exactly why we got in trouble in school. This was kinda an important detail…

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This really sounds like an issue for future Mac to deal with…

So where do we go from here…

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This should really be my motto by now…

Fuck it, the movie is going and I’m already in the deep end…

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ANYWHO…

While this film benefits from its extraordinary actors, (I do know that Emma Stone won best actress; at least, they have changed that since I last checked…)

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Yep, photographic evidence to prove it. (Fuck, these people make gifs fast…)

It is the soundtrack and score that really elevate this film.

I’m sorry most of these aren’t scenes from the movie, but getting those would be illegal and I’m not a criminal….

I honestly almost learned to play the piano after this film…then I realized my pinky is all fucked up and it could never work…

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Circa 2010; Martin’s Grocery Store

The film follows a celebrities wet dream…with an up incoming actress, Stone, attempting to establish herself in Hollywood, all the while falling for musician, Gosling.

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Celebrities have weird wet dreams…

And while the film seems like a Hollywood circle jerk, and don’t get me wrong, it is…

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“Being famous is hard and we know it!”

The film has a much deeper meaning that doesn’t really hit you until the end. And by hit you, I mean freight train sucker punch to the gut hit you…

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Why did no one tell me the ending was so sad?? I wasn’t ready…

To the very few who haven’t seen this movie…Welcome to Earth, we mean no harm…mostly…

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I first recommend trying bacon, my next recommendation is sex.

To those of you thinking, “Why the hell is he writing about a Best Picture nominee??” Well sir, you skipped to the bottom of my article and are the worst type of person….

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Even Mr. Rodgers thinks so…

Yes, I feel like an idiot. But at least I’m not Steve Harvey…

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It’s funny because he’s still rich and famous and I’m not…
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