Popular Movies That Suck: The Dark Knight Rises

 

The Dark Knight Rises

2012

Starring: Christian Bale, Tom Hardy, Anne Hathaway, Marion Cotillard, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt

I can already feel Dewey’s disappointment from here…

I’m still a Packers fan Dew…

So let me clarify before I start to tear this movie apart, I’m a huge Christopher Nolan fan. (Like to the point that it’s slightly creepy…like I’ve seen all of his movies…)

This film is a mind-fuck…I highly recommend it…
Not Prestige Worldwide, but still amazing.
If you haven’t seen this movie than you’re stupid, you’re dumb, and you’re stupid.
This scene didn’t make me cry, I just had something in both my eyes while I was cutting onions….
And then there’s Following (1998) and Insomnia (2002) but they don’t have GIFs for those…

SO ON TO BATMAN!

NO NOT YOU BATFLECK FUCK OFF

There we go, all better. 
Widely recognized as the resurgence of the superhero genre after a bumpy late 2000’s (looking at you Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer…), Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy started in 2005 with Batman Begins.
And while some people aren’t this biggest fans of this movie, I am and this isn’t their blog so they can suck it…
ANYWHO…This trilogy really didn’t gain recognition until its second installment, The Dark Knight.
 
Yeah I know this was just in the clip above stop complaining

With many claiming this film to be the best of its genre, it went on to not only create the oversaturated world of superhero films we live in now, but to earn Heath Ledger a posthumous Oscar for Best Supporting Actor…

And damn was it well deserved…
As well as making Christopher Nolan a household name. And while I love everything about this movie, the final installment in this trilogy didn’t quite live up to its expectations…
Yes, I meant to chose live…ya know…because he died…

And now on to the main event.

The Dark Knight Rises
 
So to give Nolan some credit, it would be really hard to plan a sequel after one of your best characters is killed by an Olsen twin. (Look it up, then come back)
I know these are in bad taste…I don’t care…

And it is often said that the third film in a trilogy is always the worst… (EXAMPLES!!)

Alright maybe don’t point at him there Sean…
Fucking Ewoks…
Wait, wait. No, no, no. This is an exception to that rule…

 

That’s better…

God it’s gonna be hard to get that last GIF out of my head…

So now that all the slack has been cut, it’s time to prepare for the slaughter…
I’d beat up both of you, I have no shame.

Let’s start with the premise of the movie. First off, you’re telling me Batman, fucking BATMAN, took an 8 year break just because his shape shifting girlfriend died?? (I liked Katie Holmes Rachel better but that’s just me…)

Sorry chief, blame Tom Cruise…

Bruce Wayne wasn’t beating up the scourge of Gotham to impress his childhood crush, he was doing it to avenge the death of his parents by making Gotham the city they always wanted it to be…one ruled by paranoia of a giant bat…wait…

FEAR ME!

And don’t give me that “Dent Act” bullshit. One law isn’t gonna stop criminals from being criminals. They would soon realize that Batman was M.I.A. and start selling drug-filled stuffed animals and beating up King Joffrey.

A. This is the longest GIF ever B. Dropped the ball Batman, you could’ve save Ned Stark

But enough about the premise…let’s talk about the characters…

Don’t you roll your eyes at me Princess Diaries…

Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle/Catwoman…I really don’t remember her in the movie that much other than delivering really bland lines that I think were suppose to be comic relief. It’s nothing against her role in the film, I’m all for badass female characters, but I feel like she didn’t really serve a purpose other than to be Batman’s sidekick…

Holy overly sexualized costume, Batman!!

Speaking of sidekicks…

If you don’t know what this is, I highly recommend looking up HISHE on YouTube

Oh Joseph Gordon-Levitt, JGL, why did you agree to do this movie? Was it because Inception made your career and you owed Nolan one? Don’t get me wrong, I love me some JGL, (500) Days of Summer is easily my second favorite Rom-Com (right behind Wedding Crashers) and Looper is incredibly underrated…but his not-Robin (that is his name in the movie don’t look it up..) was just so fucking boring in this movie. Not to mention that there’s no way he’d make it one week as the new Batman at the end of the movie…like he couldn’t even fight one guy without Batman’s help…

Don’t you give me that look, you never trained with Liam Neeson…
But as for the other supporting characters; Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, and Michael Caine…well they are three of the best actors of their generation so I have nothing bad to say about them…
This scene even made my dad cry…

So on to the villain…or villains I guess…

That’s The Joker, you just want to make your girlfriend happy…

Alright let me clarify something here, I thought Bane was great. Tom Hardy is an incredible actor and is going to probably go down as one of the greatest of our generation.

He had like 6 lines in this movie and still crushed it. Mostly cause of Charlize…but still crushed it.

And despite the fact that his voice sounded like he was try to deep-throat a rusty screen door, I thought he was a good foil for this iteration of Batman.

This scene is one of the few redeemable things in this movie…

But all of this went away at the end of the movie…

Oh I’m about to spoil the end…apparently I’m suppose to warn people here or some shit…
I was shocked when Snape killed Dumbledore.

In the end it’s revealed that Bane was nothing more than a baby back bitch for Ra’s al Ghul’s daughter. So all of his speeches he gives and his general badass-ery were an act so his girlfriend could take revenge on Gotham…and then proceed to die in a horribly acted way….

You’re a very accomplished actress Marion, how did this happen??

I know that this was suppose to be some big reveal at the end of the movie to make audiences members gasp and try to blow their minds…but it wasn’t. It was predictable and took away from the grandeur that was Bane throughout the film.

“But only if my girlfriend says it should be…”

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I was disappointed it wasn’t The Dark Knight and didn’t live up to my expectations. Maybe…

But I do know one thing….

At least it’s not as bad as Batman v. Superman….
Now this would’ve been a great movie…
 
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s